Once again, a comeback is hatching

So after a bit of a break, here I am again, but that’s not the comeback I’m referring to. I’ve spent the last month and a half or so bunkered in my headspace – there’s been a tremendous amount that has occupied my mind, and some pressing things too,  and I find it affects my desire to do other stuff like blogging. I’m trying to learn to “do it all” but I’ll talk about that another time. Let me blog about what this post is about.

One of the results of my experience of being mostly on the sidelines of live music for the last several years is that I don’t like to talk about plans or dreams that I have for my music career (“career” is a conspicuously aspirational word here). I’ve blogged about this before – several times and in several different ways – so I won’t wax on about it again. But a comeback is hatching again. It’s managed to chip a small opening in the shell around it, and it’s working on making the hole big enough to push its head out, spread its damp wings, and stumble out for the world to see. It’s still mostly covered though, so I haven’t been able to get a good look at it yet. I can’t guess what the plumage will look like or how wide the wings will be our how far it will fly. I’m just excited about the process.

I had a rehearsal last night to work on some songs to play live somewhere. It was just two of us, but I think any two including someone as gifted as Kamla Hamilton is off to a great start. When I work with Kamla I don’t tend to have to tell her what I want. She tends to have ideas that I could never ask for but want as soon as I hear them. Even on a Casio keyboard which seems more like a toy than a tool, she can take what feel to me like bare ideas and clothe them with a richness that makes them seem aged – like they’ve been here a long time even though you’re hearing them for the first time. Don’t get me wrong – I work very hard to write songs that are worthy of high-calibre musicians and arrangements, but I’m always awed to some degree at least, when I hear my work played by people who play a lot better than I do. It’s satisfying and surprising at the same time.

So it was just keyboard, acoustic guitar and my voice, which did a lot better than I was expecting. I haven’t really sang in a while. No disrespect meant to leading worship at church. That is just not a space in which I try to explore my voice in a certain way, and I don’t think it should be. But I was happy with how I was sounding in general and with how I was managing the range of the songs. The basics are there. I now need to work harder and push myself to polish the vocal delivery to move beyond “good” or “solid”, towards “really good” and then hopefully beyond that towards “amazing” or some such superlative. I want to push myself and see how far I can go with what I’ve been given to work with.

We looked at 3 of my original songs and 2 covers. It’s been interesting trying to select songs – both the originals and the covers. I’ve had to try to figure out which of my songs will shine with a acoustic guitar, piano and percussion instrumentation. Warren Harris should be joining us, hopefully next week, with a reduced drum-kit, and I’m looking forward to what he’ll bring, but that’s the extent of what I have in mind for this initiative. I’m hoping the “portability” will result in some opportunities. A lot of the stuff I’ve been working on is difficult to mount because of the instrumentation I had in mind when I wrote it. A number of those songs won’t work for this type of setup, in my opinion, primarily because of design. They would lose too many elements that I meant to be there. I had started working on a song specifically for this setup, but I’ve now changed my mind about it and I think it needs the kind of treatment it would get with a larger band. But I have managed to identify some of my songs that I think can thrive with this approach, and I have a new one I’m anxious to finish too.

So we worked on “Conversations” – which is the only full-length song I have on YouTube, and that is in fact, the only time I’ve performed it with a full band; “To Make You Smile” – a song which hasn’t seen daylight yet, inspired by my daughter Maia; and “Longing For You” – which I was a bit reluctant to throw into the mix. I’m not entirely sure why I feel the way I do about it, but one of the factors is that it feels too traditional to me in terms of structure – A,B,A,B,C,B – which translates to verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus. That was, of course, by design at the time though. Kamla, for her part, seemed cool with it, and she really likes “To Make You Smile”, which is encouraging. It still needs one line and some editing but I’m trying not to over-burden it and let it be what it is.

I won’t say which covers we worked on yet. I’ll wait until I know what we’re doing with them. So the plan is to rehearse another couple times and finalize where and when we’ll play this stuff, or at least some of it. I have something in mind but I’ll say when it is more of a likelihood than a possibility. It’s really good to have started though. I’m itching to hear what it will sound like and to see all the colours and shapes as it emerges. Even though I’ve written most of the material it only lives in my imagination until it’s heard, and even hearing it in rehearsal is dramatically different from performing it for people.

So pray with me that the comeback will hatch fully and become all it should. I have no specific dreams or hopes for it. I think I’m learning not to do that anymore. I wrote about it in the song that was growing when I started this blog, and I’ll close with some of those lyrics.

Meant to fly, this paper plane was never built to take your baggage
Flattened under expectations weighing more than paper can lift
It could soar if you unload imperatives you have imposed
Then point the nose, when you let go
You’ll free your hands
To hold on to the prospect, of the flight delighting you
It will not be perfect, but it might be good…

Bless you.

I’m back… an appropriate title

The last time I blogged was January 21, 2009. Well, that’s not entirely true. That was the last time I wrote anything for my own blog. I did a couple of entries for a dream that died while being brought to life – a concert I was involved in planning (we had a website and blog associated with it) – in September 2009. I think a small part of me is still mourning its death. It’s as if it’s sitting on the shoulder of my shadow and it looks me in the eye sometimes when I look back. It stings from time to time but I’m convinced it’s an ally rather than an enemy. I’m not as afraid of failure anymore, having now done it in such style. So I walk forward with it in tow behind me.

Updates

Having not blogged in such a long time a general update is warranted. I’m still running my own business and, I think, getting better at it each month. It’s making me “responsible”, which is a big thing for a person given to being as sporadic and inspiration-driven as I am (I only claim an “artistic temperament” for myself when a situation makes it a greatly convenient stereotype).

Maia, me (Joel) and Sam - Nov 2009

Family and marriage is stable. I’m beginning to embrace how much work and attention it takes to make it good. Maybe its a bit like gardening, but I’m only guessing since I haven’t done much of that. It seems to me to be a good analogy, despite my near total lack of hands-on experience. But I am embracing the need for more work and I’ve started to work.

Maia is growing like a weed – a simile which now suffers an undeserved worsening of its reputation the light of the above paragraph. Growing like a pleasant, enjoyable plant or vine? That doesn’t pop at all. To quote some random client I don’t know, it  ”needs wa-wa-woom!” “Weed” has that “wa-wa-woom” in my opinion, but it clashes with gardening completely. Suffice to say Maia is growing fast and learning fast – both very good lessons and some we’ll need to stamp out. She’s taken to opening the fridge and looking for stuff she wants (even if she has not idea how to prepare it). Parenting is challenging but I’m very grateful for her and for all I’m learning.

I’m trying to read through the Bible this year. I’m reasonable sure I’ve read everything in it but I’m trying to do so in a systematic way. So far so good. I’ve had some good times, and (maybe strangely enough) I’ve been enjoying the Old Testament more than the New. I’m still struggling to have a regular time that I spend with God, especially because getting up early seems completely unreasonable when you’ve been up even earlier negotiating with Maia. I’ve embraced the fight though. He rewards those who seek Him. Nobody said it was easy.

This blog was supposed to be about songwriting and music. It was supposed to chronicle a finite project, that I expected would have finished already. I’ve decided that is should just be a blog. I’ll still blog about music, but I’ve decided I should blog about life.

I might need to do a “how’s the music going?” post. I’m amazed a the number of people who still ask me that. I don’t feel like much of a musician, with how little I’ve accomplished in the last several years. Maybe I should take it as encouraging that so many people still see me as one. In any case the really short update is that there have been some songs and a lot of ideas in the last many months. I have new goals to pursue and people who are (hopefully still) interested in pursuing them with me. I’m growing as a writer and I’m curious to see what I’m becoming. Stylistically no two songs are that much alike now. But perhaps I’m too close to the work. Maybe if I can back off and hear it I’ll hear the similarities instead of the differences.

Where from here?

More blogging, more songwriting, more Bible-reading (and more reflections coming from that), more opinions on the things that catch my interests long enough to think about them seriously, etc. Let’s see what this becomes. I’m back.

Daily(ish) Disciplines

It occurred to me, in deciding to take on this project, that I’d need to get serious about several things in order to do this well. Things like voice practice (which I haven’t started yet), guitar practice (I’ve started playing more but I need more structure), exercise… let’s pause right there.

I’ve started playing squash again. I much prefer sports to jogging around the hill I live on. The jogging seems pointless (especially when I’m alone), but getting my ass kicked at squash seems much more sensible. I’ve played twice in the last week or so. My record is a perfect 0 – 8, with scores of 5, 3, 1and 0 (wonderful pattern, huh?) last Friday and 6, 1, 1and 3 on Wednesday. Congrats Richard. This blog (and therefore the world that reads it) will know when I finally get one over you… mind you that could be a while from now, but I plan to be blogging for at least another 3+ months, so beware!! What do you do when you’re unconvinced by your own threats?

Back to where I was. The other discipline I’ve started again is object writing. It’s an exercise I learned at Berklee College of Music Summer School (a decade ago… gasp!) and it is detailed in Pat Pattison‘s book “Writing Better Lyrics“. It involves writing about an object, i.e. something tangible for a set period of time, e.g. 5 minutes or 10 minutes, and trying to use all of your senses to describe the object and your memories around the object. The theory is that doing it consistently will help you to get to the good stuff quickly when you sit down to write (I hope I got that right Pat). It also useful for exploring ideas when writing.

My plan has been to do object writing for 10 minutes six mornings a week. That hasn’t quite happened but I’ve been going at it. It’s been tough. Some days I’ve just had to slog through. Other days I get lost in one part of what I have in mind and the time runs out before I get to some great ideas. In any case here’s one I did on August 1st for the record. I’m probably going to use it as raw material for a song I’m working on. Oh… the endings are usually abrupt. You’re supposed to stop when the time runs out.

Paper Plane

We were low-tech. If you needed a straight edge you’d either have to work with the one supplied by the 8 ½” x 11” paper (sometimes we’d use the legal size) or you’d measure and crease as carefully as possible and use a ruler to hold down one part and carefully tear the other. Straight edges were a must in our minds. They made the difference between those that would dive immediately and those that would fly so far they’d cross the fence and we’d lose them to the neighbour’s yard.

And we’d sit with raw material spread and our latest prototype forming in our brains. And we’d fold – usually starting with a long crease down the middle of the sheet. And our creations would take shape – pointed noses to cut through the air, built for speed, blunt noses where we folded the point back and tucked it inside, built with some weight for stunts. We’d see how small we could make them and still get them to fly rather than just fall gracefully.

… fingers running along the edges, forcing consistency into the creases. The sound of sheets of paper sliding against each other, sometimes flapping a bit as if they were eager, bristling and anxious, waiting to be shaped and take flight…

And we’d throw from the driveway, warm asphalt under our bare feet, aiming down the lawn which gently sloped towards the rusted wire fence and we cry with delight if they stayed in the air for 5 seconds or more or if they swooped unexpectedly, threatening to land but grabbing hold of a gust and leaping up again… and the excitement if they landed gracefully…